Tuesday Night #2

Now, for the stuff that is a little less important to most people, but meaningful to me and, I hope, to God.

I have always believed in Christ and tried my best to follow what I believe he would want me to do. I always knew I wasn't completely hitting the mark, because it's just not possible to be perfect in this room. But, I never quite realized just how short I was falling until I was thrust into this situation. I have probably prayed more in the last two days, and more openly, than I have in the last year. While I always told myself that I wanted God's will for me and my family and friends, it wasn't until yesterday, in the ambulance, that I realized that I had so frequently prayed more for my will. But, in the ambulance, racing down here to Dallas, I begged God for Jacob's life, but gave him complete control of the situation and felt an immediate inner peace.

Of course, I still worry. But, instead of worrying about Jacob getting what is best for him, I worry now about whether I am praying for what I should be praying for and whether I am praying in the right way. Every time I start worrying about that, I remember that God is not looking for formulas, but for sincerity. I have that down. Now, all I have to worry about is whether I am praying for the right thing.